They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Sometimes, I think it’s something much more simple than that; silence empowers.
Oh, how I have needed the silence. Craved it, like a kid craves an ice cream cone on a sweltering summer day. The same way I crave the far corners of the northern lakes that I grew up calling home.
With a profound patience, I weathered all storms. They passed, and there I stood, still, swathed in silence. A silence that I had beckoned, yet, once it arrived, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. A peculiar feeling indeed, to have yearned for it so, only to have it arrive upon your doorstep to greet you where you stand completely and utterly unprepared.
But I was committed to the transformation, and although I found myself in a strange place, it also felt like home. It was the culmination of too many journeyed days, of having felt untethered for far too long.
I could have ran. Punched that silence in the face and ran like hell as fast as possible in the complete opposite direction, until my legs gave out and I collapsed (in certain agony, I’m sure). But running was never an option – in the fight or flight choice, the fight in me always prevails.
I was tired of feeling alienated and lifeless. So I bowed deeply to the silence that had been lavished upon me, and I embraced it.
Silence taught me that I need not apologize for escaping from the every day to focus on the essence of me. It taught me that in order to feel empowered, there is no fault in transporting yourself to the deserts and mountaintops.
How can we really know ourselves if we don’t allow ourselves to become a casualty of silence?
Silence emerges when tension, struggle, and conflict fall away.
– Christina Feldman
It was like everything negative that had been holding me back melted away. Wait – not like it did: IT DID.
Call it cliché, but when you send good shit into the universe (positive vibes, good energy, karmic actions), it really does come back upon you tenfold. Not the first time it’s happened in my life, and not the last time either. Sometimes it’s hard not to feel disparaged when all of your efforts seem to come back unreturned; my choice, when this happens, is to believe it’s because the universe has my back and is holding out for the right thing to come along.
Restoration. Clarity. Awakening.
It may have brought me away from writing in a while (OK, in far too long, by my own necessary standards), but it also allowed me to take a break from the world and emerge myself in silence while I shed the toxicity of the past so that I could prepare myself for the new and exciting challenges that lay ahead.
To you, my dear readers, I am sorry I was MIA. Rest assured I am back now, and better than ever! New amazing job, revitalized mind and spirit, and a new dwelling to soon call home. Surrounding myself with positive and vibrant energy from all angles. Life is good – never stop grabbing it by the horns and making it yours.
Photo credit: Ananda Escudero Gomes / unsplash.com